I’m taking a break from teaching. Stepping back - for the time being - from all that is “Rooted and Rising”. It’s time for a change. Destination unknown.
In February I picked up two PT jobs. It was a decision I delayed for years, partly out of fear...mainly out of stubbornness and a refusal to let go of the dream of Rooted and Rising, and my place within it.
The decision was part of a greater movement...one I'm still trying to articulate and share. It's about getting unstuck. About getting out of the way. And getting clear that I no longer wanted to center myself, "my gifts" or "my" unique offering...as if I only have one.unique.thing I can do, after all!
It's a story about my personal journey with self-employment within a capitalist culture and its obsession with MORE. It's about the toxicity that seeps into the most well meaning of practices, especially in the West where so many spiritual teachings become Near Enemies of the Truth. It's about an offering - a gift of sharing something I loved - something pure and clear and organic - and watching myself become so enmeshed and identified with the work and my place within it that I couldn't see the ego's slow yet subtle colonization of my gifts. It's about human nature. About the impulse to find what can never really be named. It's about essence, vitality, Life...and the ways they can become co-opted.
After years of pushing the river, showing up, pivoting and adapting, the flame in my heart ultimately burned out. I was able to see and feel - both in the past and the present - how deeply Rooted and Rising had taken root, touched lives (including my own) and grown in a myriad of ways, but still had became choked of it's inspiration. It's potential. Its emergence.
It is clear now, that I need to step back and get enough distance to really see the personal enmeshment, the systemic pitfalls, the pieces that are mine to do as well as those of the collective that I need to let go. I still don't have the words to articulate the inner work I am doing, but I CAN SAY - clearly and vehemently - that I am grateful for the networks of support that have shown up to make our communal movement practices possible! From the consistent Monday night time slot at Tula, to the slow yet steady simplification of our practice, I've been able to set down aspects of the work that no longer suit me (event production and self-aggrandizing marketing, anyone?), and remember what most fulfills me about the Dance: direct experience (vs teaching), intuition (vs class plans), and inviting more "teachers" (beyond what runs through me) into the room.
I bow deeply to the movers that have shown up, week after week, to co-create rich moving fields of possibility! I love you. And I look forward to every dance we share.
Let's stay in touch and see how we can co-create something new together. For we all know that the only constant is change. And Life, with its continual cycles of death and rebirth, will keep on moving...with or without us!
I love you. Keep going. Teresa